Femdom session...

Well it's that time again, four weeks have passed and lucky me gets an hour of Femdom submission! Mmmm...
To be honest I entered this session convinced that I wasn't going to be allowed to cum and as it turned out that was Mistress R's original intention, but something happened half way through the session and that went out of the window.
I won't bother to relate every detail of the session because they don't vary all that much and I've reported on them in detail before, suffice to say that there was foot worship and face sitting and all that awesome stuff. I was given a whopping 30 paddle strokes (18 and then 12) for my 5 instances of touching - Mistress R is starting to get determined about stopping that it seems!
I was also allowed inside her a few times too, which was absolutely wonderful (her on top - even better!), and Mistress R was saying all the right things about controlling me and stuff, and then, unfortunately, she got a bit carried away and decided to ram this butt plug up my ass. Now I don't get stuff up my ass very often, once a month maximum, and sometimes it's easier than others, but the butt plug (not massive but not tiny either) needs to be inserted gently, preferably after something smaller has paved the way...
Well, to cut a short story short, it fucking hurt and I made it clear that it fucking hurt and we paused the session. She was a bit concerned and worried about hurting me, but after she removed it the pain subsided after about a minute and I was okay to continue. Fortunately the bulk of the session was over by this time as quite a substantial portion of the second half of the session is usually taken up with making her cum.
So she left me alone for a few minutes to relax and then when she came back she had me go down her. It was so nice to go down on her again (no pussy worship since Wednesday - what!!) and I really thought she was going to come in about three minutes! Fortunately I managed to keep her building her pleasure without letting her cum too soon and when she eventually did cum it was after about 20-25 minutes of pussy worship. She came super hard too, which was so good, and then she had me clean her up with my tongue.
Finally she tied me back down on the bed and allowed me to tongue her asshole while she wanked my cock. I think she must've been feeling guilty about hurting me and I was really surprised when she told me to cum while I tongue fucked her ass. I did, and it was great... of course I pretty much realised what had gone on there, and yeah it was a tiny bit disappointing... but at the same time, if Mistress R wanted to make herself feel better about hurting me that's cool, and I understand that. Besides, it was fantastic coming with my tongue in Mistress R's ass, so I really don't have too much to complain about!
So that's three times I've cum in three weeks.... I hope Mistress R starts to think about this two months of chastity she keeps threatening me with.

Femdom session...

Well it's that time again, four weeks have passed and lucky me gets an hour of Femdom submission! Mmmm...
To be honest I entered this session convinced that I wasn't going to be allowed to cum and as it turned out that was Mistress R's original intention, but something happened half way through the session and that went out of the window.
I won't bother to relate every detail of the session because they don't vary all that much and I've reported on them in detail before, suffice to say that there was foot worship and face sitting and all that awesome stuff. I was given a whopping 30 paddle strokes (18 and then 12) for my 5 instances of touching - Mistress R is starting to get determined about stopping that it seems!
I was also allowed inside her a few times too, which was absolutely wonderful (her on top - even better!), and Mistress R was saying all the right things about controlling me and stuff, and then, unfortunately, she got a bit carried away and decided to ram this butt plug up my ass. Now I don't get stuff up my ass very often, once a month maximum, and sometimes it's easier than others, but the butt plug (not massive but not tiny either) needs to be inserted gently, preferably after something smaller has paved the way...
Well, to cut a short story short, it fucking hurt and I made it clear that it fucking hurt and we paused the session. She was a bit concerned and worried about hurting me, but after she removed it the pain subsided after about a minute and I was okay to continue. Fortunately the bulk of the session was over by this time as quite a substantial portion of the second half of the session is usually taken up with making her cum.
So she left me alone for a few minutes to relax and then when she came back she had me go down her. It was so nice to go down on her again (no pussy worship since Wednesday - what!!) and I really thought she was going to come in about three minutes! Fortunately I managed to keep her building her pleasure without letting her cum too soon and when she eventually did cum it was after about 20-25 minutes of pussy worship. She came super hard too, which was so good, and then she had me clean her up with my tongue.
Finally she tied me back down on the bed and allowed me to tongue her asshole while she wanked my cock. I think she must've been feeling guilty about hurting me and I was really surprised when she told me to cum while I tongue fucked her ass. I did, and it was great... of course I pretty much realised what had gone on there, and yeah it was a tiny bit disappointing... but at the same time, if Mistress R wanted to make herself feel better about hurting me that's cool, and I understand that. Besides, it was fantastic coming with my tongue in Mistress R's ass, so I really don't have too much to complain about!
So that's three times I've cum in three weeks.... I hope Mistress R starts to think about this two months of chastity she keeps threatening me with.

Session tomorrow...

Yep, it's come around again, in about 12 hours I will be at Mistress R's mercy once more! I very much doubt I will be coming though, since it's only a week since I last came, and that was only a week after the one before, but you never know... if that's what Mistress wants!
Today has been cool. When I came out of the shower Mistress grabbed hold of my cock and talked to me about something (no idea what, it might have been what film we should watch later) while she got me hard. Then she took my cock into her mouth for about three seconds and then walked off. Then she came back and stroked me some more, telling me that I would get my treat later for losing another pound this week.
A few hours later she had me sitting on the couch, and knelt between my legs, sucking my cock. Several times she stopped and gave it a few slaps (nice!) and she sucked me and stroked me for about ten minutes I reckon, and then when she'd had enough she kissed me and groaned into my mouth as she could feel my cock throbbing against her stomach... it was hot!
Mistress declined my offer of pussy worship last night as she wants to wait for Sunday, 'like you do' she said. Hmm, a whole four days! Wow, I'm impressed..... hahahahaha.
I can't wait for tomorrow, I just know it's gonna be awesome, even though I'm sure I won't get to cum.

Session tomorrow...

Yep, it's come around again, in about 12 hours I will be at Mistress R's mercy once more! I very much doubt I will be coming though, since it's only a week since I last came, and that was only a week after the one before, but you never know... if that's what Mistress wants!
Today has been cool. When I came out of the shower Mistress grabbed hold of my cock and talked to me about something (no idea what, it might have been what film we should watch later) while she got me hard. Then she took my cock into her mouth for about three seconds and then walked off. Then she came back and stroked me some more, telling me that I would get my treat later for losing another pound this week.
A few hours later she had me sitting on the couch, and knelt between my legs, sucking my cock. Several times she stopped and gave it a few slaps (nice!) and she sucked me and stroked me for about ten minutes I reckon, and then when she'd had enough she kissed me and groaned into my mouth as she could feel my cock throbbing against her stomach... it was hot!
Mistress declined my offer of pussy worship last night as she wants to wait for Sunday, 'like you do' she said. Hmm, a whole four days! Wow, I'm impressed..... hahahahaha.
I can't wait for tomorrow, I just know it's gonna be awesome, even though I'm sure I won't get to cum.

Breakthrough...

So, as my regular readers will know, this whole 'penetration' thing has been bubbling under for some time now... and last night I talked it through with Mistress R and finally felt like we'd reached a proper understanding between us. As I had suspected, penetration is enjoyable for Mistress R, but the feeling of having me inside her is more important than having me hammering away at her for twenty minutes...!
I brought up the recent episode where she asked me to penetrate her and I had to stop because I was getting too close to cumming (very quickly), and she told me that she wasn't disappointed I had to stop, she liked to feel my cock in her, but she also liked that I was turned on so much by it... personally I would have liked to have been a little bit less turned on by it and at least been able to enjoy it a while longer! But still, I still have a feeling the cocksling was something to do with it. I've kind of got out of the habit of wearing it and so I think maybe it was just too intense, on top of being on top of Mistress (for only the second time in 4 months!) and what, 7 or 8 days without orgasm.
I decided to bring up the whole 'letting me cum if she wants me to go longer' and 'using a dildo on her if she wanted it' and all that stuff, and got a very positive response. Actually a much better response than I could have hoped for, since she finally came off the fence and gave me some clear responses about this whole issue.
Also we talked about the whole 'giving up control' but then not accepting what is happening thing. Which is particularly relevant to the penetration issue, because (as she agreed) it's hard for a guy to give up control and then when he realises that his wife isn't acting the way he thought she would (e.g. asking for penetration...) he feels the need to tinker and try and 'help'.
I wouldn't say this is topping from the bottom, because it's not that the guy is necessarily trying to get what he wants, it's more (certainly in my case) that he feels like he's given all the control to her and she's struggling with it, struggling to accept the control and decide what she really wants... (or at least, I felt like she had asked for penetration and I had been unable to really give her that, because my chastity was getting in the way), so that made me feel like it wasn't working because she wasn't 'making it work', if that makes sense.
The upshot being that, of course, it's not my place to be interfering. If she's not happy, she needs to change things or she needs to talk to me about what will work (if she can't work it out for herself).
Actually, sometimes it probably doesn't help that us guys in chastity are pretty sexually driven, since we are constantly thinking about sex, and so maybe we feel like, 'if I was given complete autonomy I would be doing this and that', for example I might think, 'well she can have whatever she pleases, surely she's going to ask me to use this glass dildo on her now', but she might not, perhaps because she doesn't want it or perhaps because  she's quite happy with my fingers!
It's hard for guys to understand this, because we feel like we are giving the keys to kingdom, but our wives are happiest staying in the house they've always lived in, because it's where they feel at home. Plus of course, us guys have fantasized for however long about the passing of control and what that's going to mean, the drastic changes that are going to occur, well... in our case the changes really aren't that drastic.
Anyway, we've cleared that whole thing up now and she knows that I am happy with whatever she chooses to do, or have me do for her.
This feels like a hell of a big breakthrough to me since really this has been the last major issue I had with this whole thing, and because I hadn't been able to get to the bottom of how Mistress R really feels about this I really didn't know whether this was going to work permanently.
Now I am confident that we are both on the same page and that we both understand the way forward, and yes I'm sure that does mean that penetration is likely to be sporadic, but I guess I should have guessed that long ago, when Mistress R asked me to agree to the rule that I wasn't allowed to ask for penetration.
Still, I am willing to accept that because I want this to work and I'm sure it will now. Another thing Mistress R and I discussed last night was how giving her the control meant that there was no pressure anymore. If one of you is willing to submit (doesn't matter which one really) then all the tension is taken away, because there's no awkwardness or 'should I suggest doing something' or any of that. If she's in the mood and wants me to pleasure her then she tells me, otherwise she won't. For my part, I am always eager and because all that pressure is off me I can relax and enjoy it. The same for her because now there's no pressure on her to have sex if she doesn't want to... perhaps they should suggest this to couples having relationship troubles, or performance anxiety troubles!

Anyway. Last night was great, we sorted out all this crap and it felt like a weight was lifted, finally, and we are now both committed to what we are doing. We stayed up pretty late and when we went to bed I got so hard that I asked Mistress R if I could touch my cock, which I haven't done for ages. She said yes, but only for three minutes, she stroked it softly a few times until the clock changed and then let go. I took over and after about two minutes she reminded me that I wasn't allowed to cum and that I shouldn't go 'too far'. When the three minutes were up she ordered me to let go and then we kissed goodnight. It took my cock a full five minutes (without stimulation of any kind) to soften after that, it was remarkable!!!

Breakthrough...

So, as my regular readers will know, this whole 'penetration' thing has been bubbling under for some time now... and last night I talked it through with Mistress R and finally felt like we'd reached a proper understanding between us. As I had suspected, penetration is enjoyable for Mistress R, but the feeling of having me inside her is more important than having me hammering away at her for twenty minutes...!
I brought up the recent episode where she asked me to penetrate her and I had to stop because I was getting too close to cumming (very quickly), and she told me that she wasn't disappointed I had to stop, she liked to feel my cock in her, but she also liked that I was turned on so much by it... personally I would have liked to have been a little bit less turned on by it and at least been able to enjoy it a while longer! But still, I still have a feeling the cocksling was something to do with it. I've kind of got out of the habit of wearing it and so I think maybe it was just too intense, on top of being on top of Mistress (for only the second time in 4 months!) and what, 7 or 8 days without orgasm.
I decided to bring up the whole 'letting me cum if she wants me to go longer' and 'using a dildo on her if she wanted it' and all that stuff, and got a very positive response. Actually a much better response than I could have hoped for, since she finally came off the fence and gave me some clear responses about this whole issue.
Also we talked about the whole 'giving up control' but then not accepting what is happening thing. Which is particularly relevant to the penetration issue, because (as she agreed) it's hard for a guy to give up control and then when he realises that his wife isn't acting the way he thought she would (e.g. asking for penetration...) he feels the need to tinker and try and 'help'.
I wouldn't say this is topping from the bottom, because it's not that the guy is necessarily trying to get what he wants, it's more (certainly in my case) that he feels like he's given all the control to her and she's struggling with it, struggling to accept the control and decide what she really wants... (or at least, I felt like she had asked for penetration and I had been unable to really give her that, because my chastity was getting in the way), so that made me feel like it wasn't working because she wasn't 'making it work', if that makes sense.
The upshot being that, of course, it's not my place to be interfering. If she's not happy, she needs to change things or she needs to talk to me about what will work (if she can't work it out for herself).
Actually, sometimes it probably doesn't help that us guys in chastity are pretty sexually driven, since we are constantly thinking about sex, and so maybe we feel like, 'if I was given complete autonomy I would be doing this and that', for example I might think, 'well she can have whatever she pleases, surely she's going to ask me to use this glass dildo on her now', but she might not, perhaps because she doesn't want it or perhaps because  she's quite happy with my fingers!
It's hard for guys to understand this, because we feel like we are giving the keys to kingdom, but our wives are happiest staying in the house they've always lived in, because it's where they feel at home. Plus of course, us guys have fantasized for however long about the passing of control and what that's going to mean, the drastic changes that are going to occur, well... in our case the changes really aren't that drastic.
Anyway, we've cleared that whole thing up now and she knows that I am happy with whatever she chooses to do, or have me do for her.
This feels like a hell of a big breakthrough to me since really this has been the last major issue I had with this whole thing, and because I hadn't been able to get to the bottom of how Mistress R really feels about this I really didn't know whether this was going to work permanently.
Now I am confident that we are both on the same page and that we both understand the way forward, and yes I'm sure that does mean that penetration is likely to be sporadic, but I guess I should have guessed that long ago, when Mistress R asked me to agree to the rule that I wasn't allowed to ask for penetration.
Still, I am willing to accept that because I want this to work and I'm sure it will now. Another thing Mistress R and I discussed last night was how giving her the control meant that there was no pressure anymore. If one of you is willing to submit (doesn't matter which one really) then all the tension is taken away, because there's no awkwardness or 'should I suggest doing something' or any of that. If she's in the mood and wants me to pleasure her then she tells me, otherwise she won't. For my part, I am always eager and because all that pressure is off me I can relax and enjoy it. The same for her because now there's no pressure on her to have sex if she doesn't want to... perhaps they should suggest this to couples having relationship troubles, or performance anxiety troubles!

Anyway. Last night was great, we sorted out all this crap and it felt like a weight was lifted, finally, and we are now both committed to what we are doing. We stayed up pretty late and when we went to bed I got so hard that I asked Mistress R if I could touch my cock, which I haven't done for ages. She said yes, but only for three minutes, she stroked it softly a few times until the clock changed and then let go. I took over and after about two minutes she reminded me that I wasn't allowed to cum and that I shouldn't go 'too far'. When the three minutes were up she ordered me to let go and then we kissed goodnight. It took my cock a full five minutes (without stimulation of any kind) to soften after that, it was remarkable!!!

A little bit of stat work...

So we are just one day away from 20 weeks of Mistress R having total control of my orgasms. In that period I have been allowed to cum 10 times, so that gives us an average of one orgasm every two weeks.

However, if we disregard the first month (April) the average falls from one orgasm every 14 days to one orgasm every 20 days!

Of those ten orgasms, only three have been inside Mistress R.

My longest wait between orgasms was 28 days, the shortest 6 (twice).

Over the same period Mistress R has enjoyed 44 orgasms!

The longest gap was 7 days, the shortest 2 days (many times).

The most orgasms Mistress R has had in one month was 10 (May and July), the most I have had in a month was 4 (April).

The least orgasms in one month was 8 for Mistress R (April) and 1 for me (June).

So far this month Mistress R has had seven orgasms and it looks very likely to be a new record. I have had one orgasm, and I wouldn't be surprised if my next one wasn't until September.

A little bit of stat work...

So we are just one day away from 20 weeks of Mistress R having total control of my orgasms. In that period I have been allowed to cum 10 times, so that gives us an average of one orgasm every two weeks.

However, if we disregard the first month (April) the average falls from one orgasm every 14 days to one orgasm every 20 days!

Of those ten orgasms, only three have been inside Mistress R.

My longest wait between orgasms was 28 days, the shortest 6 (twice).

Over the same period Mistress R has enjoyed 44 orgasms!

The longest gap was 7 days, the shortest 2 days (many times).

The most orgasms Mistress R has had in one month was 10 (May and July), the most I have had in a month was 4 (April).

The least orgasms in one month was 8 for Mistress R (April) and 1 for me (June).

So far this month Mistress R has had seven orgasms and it looks very likely to be a new record. I have had one orgasm, and I wouldn't be surprised if my next one wasn't until September.

6 out of 12...

Well, I don't know what's got into Mistress R lately but over the last 12 days she's had six orgasms! I can't remember her wanting so much attention in years. This is fantastic. And they are so 'hard' too. I love it! For my part I had a few more minutes of teasing last night, which left me very hard indeed... with the promise of more tonight! It's Thursday so that means 'pub' night, I hope she wears those shoes again, only this time I won't be such an idiot and let myself become a gibbering wreck worrying about everything.
Actually, if this past week has done anything it's made me realise that I can satisfy Mistress R pretty damn well, and my cock has nothing to do with it! Makes me feel pretty damn good.

6 out of 12...

Well, I don't know what's got into Mistress R lately but over the last 12 days she's had six orgasms! I can't remember her wanting so much attention in years. This is fantastic. And they are so 'hard' too. I love it! For my part I had a few more minutes of teasing last night, which left me very hard indeed... with the promise of more tonight! It's Thursday so that means 'pub' night, I hope she wears those shoes again, only this time I won't be such an idiot and let myself become a gibbering wreck worrying about everything.
Actually, if this past week has done anything it's made me realise that I can satisfy Mistress R pretty damn well, and my cock has nothing to do with it! Makes me feel pretty damn good.

Lucky me...

Last night I got to go down on Mistress R again, that's 5 times in the last ten days! I am a happy camper right now, and so is she! Another very hard orgasm for her and a few minutes of very gentle teasing for me and then we spent the rest of the night cuddled together on the sofa watching TV.
Perfect.

Mistress R has had 6 orgasms this month already and with her 'interruption' already out of the way, this could definitely be a new record month!
Sweet.

Lucky me...

Last night I got to go down on Mistress R again, that's 5 times in the last ten days! I am a happy camper right now, and so is she! Another very hard orgasm for her and a few minutes of very gentle teasing for me and then we spent the rest of the night cuddled together on the sofa watching TV.
Perfect.

Mistress R has had 6 orgasms this month already and with her 'interruption' already out of the way, this could definitely be a new record month!
Sweet.

Later that same day...

Yesterday afternoon, we did indeed have some pussy worship and Mistress R did cum really, really hard, and that made me SO happy. It felt like after that, everything was back to normal and we were happy again. So, crisis averted... we just have to keep going and I'm sure these little bumps will smooth out eventually.

Later that same day...

Yesterday afternoon, we did indeed have some pussy worship and Mistress R did cum really, really hard, and that made me SO happy. It felt like after that, everything was back to normal and we were happy again. So, crisis averted... we just have to keep going and I'm sure these little bumps will smooth out eventually.

Coincidence in the polls...

Of the men and women who have voted, in both cases approximately two thirds of you aren't pierced at all...

So I guess some of you might be wondering what's going on in my head today. Well, all I can tell you is that the situation has been diffused markedly. And now everything is pretty much back how it was. I am still in chastity, though I have been allowed to cum, Mistress R gave me a wonderful orgasm which was absolutely mindblowing, and she even swallowed most of it - she saved a little bit for me too....
Best of all, I will be going down on her later, that will help chill me out no end!

Coincidence in the polls...

Of the men and women who have voted, in both cases approximately two thirds of you aren't pierced at all...

So I guess some of you might be wondering what's going on in my head today. Well, all I can tell you is that the situation has been diffused markedly. And now everything is pretty much back how it was. I am still in chastity, though I have been allowed to cum, Mistress R gave me a wonderful orgasm which was absolutely mindblowing, and she even swallowed most of it - she saved a little bit for me too....
Best of all, I will be going down on her later, that will help chill me out no end!

My head is a mess...

I feel like I'm at a HUGE crossroads right now. Things are just getting so fucked up and my mental state is suffering, badly!

We had such a wonderful night last night, and yet the result of that was me feeling like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

My self esteem is non-existent. 

I am truly coming to terms with the fact that I worship Mistress R and that is making me blissfully happy, but the flip side of that  is that it is making me even more insecure, because I feel like... 

Last night in the pub I just felt like she looked so amazing in her shoes, and I should be feeling on top of the world walking in there with her, like yeah, this is my wife, I'm the fucking man!

But I don't.

I feel like... totally insecure about it. Like she looks so much better than me, what the fuck am I doing with someone like that.

She looks so fantastic, that I'm having a problem dealing with the fact that I'm still so overweight.

That's the crux of it. It's not that I consider myself ugly or anything, because I don't at all, in fact I think I look quite alright, or I will do once I've lost the weight. The thing is, I've said this to Mistress R before, when you are overweight and you accept it it doesn't bother you so much.

When you try to do something about it you pay attention to it and, yeah I've lost 16 pounds, but I've got another 50 odd to go, and I hate it. I want it gone NOW. It makes me fucking miserable.

On top of this, I'm not even 100% sure if I want to admit to myself how I am. 

Submissive.

I'm not confident in admitting that to myself even though deep down I know it's true. Partly because I don't know if I want Mistress R to think of me like that. I know she knows I am, but I think my submission goes deeper than she understands.

I know she loves me but I don't know if she really wants someone who worships her like I do. You only have to look at her fantasy man list, Clint Eastwood, Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Rock... typical Alpha Males. 

I know that sounds totally stupid, but when I met Mistress R I was in really good shape, and just starting to benefit from my weight training and I let it slide.
What makes it worse is my best and pretty much only friend is a total Alpha Male, 6ft and muscly (he looks a bit like Mel Gibson too, bastard!) so the one person I compare myself to is like the epitome of what Mistress R's perfect man would be! It's not that I think that she would cheat on me with him, and I know he wouldn't anyway because I know another one of his friend's wives tried to and he was really fucked off about it and told her in no uncertain terms to piss off. But having that as your best mate is a bit tough when you don't feel good about yourself.

And the worse thing is, even though I'm finally starting to get what I've wanted for a long, long time, I seem to be making every possible mistake I can to fuck it up.

I know we are going to have to have a massive talk about all of this tonight because we cannot go on like this. 

And I really don't know what the outcome will be. Maybe she will want to ditch the chastity and femdom stuff to try and get things sorted. And I can't say I would blame her. This was all supposed to be about making her feel special, and all it has seemed to do is make things more difficult and fucked up.

Maybe I would be better off trying to be normal and loving my wife without wanting to worship her.

I don't know what I think anymore.

I really don't.

My head is a mess...

I feel like I'm at a HUGE crossroads right now. Things are just getting so fucked up and my mental state is suffering, badly!

We had such a wonderful night last night, and yet the result of that was me feeling like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

My self esteem is non-existent. 

I am truly coming to terms with the fact that I worship Mistress R and that is making me blissfully happy, but the flip side of that  is that it is making me even more insecure, because I feel like... 

Last night in the pub I just felt like she looked so amazing in her shoes, and I should be feeling on top of the world walking in there with her, like yeah, this is my wife, I'm the fucking man!

But I don't.

I feel like... totally insecure about it. Like she looks so much better than me, what the fuck am I doing with someone like that.

She looks so fantastic, that I'm having a problem dealing with the fact that I'm still so overweight.

That's the crux of it. It's not that I consider myself ugly or anything, because I don't at all, in fact I think I look quite alright, or I will do once I've lost the weight. The thing is, I've said this to Mistress R before, when you are overweight and you accept it it doesn't bother you so much.

When you try to do something about it you pay attention to it and, yeah I've lost 16 pounds, but I've got another 50 odd to go, and I hate it. I want it gone NOW. It makes me fucking miserable.

On top of this, I'm not even 100% sure if I want to admit to myself how I am. 

Submissive.

I'm not confident in admitting that to myself even though deep down I know it's true. Partly because I don't know if I want Mistress R to think of me like that. I know she knows I am, but I think my submission goes deeper than she understands.

I know she loves me but I don't know if she really wants someone who worships her like I do. You only have to look at her fantasy man list, Clint Eastwood, Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Rock... typical Alpha Males. 

I know that sounds totally stupid, but when I met Mistress R I was in really good shape, and just starting to benefit from my weight training and I let it slide.
What makes it worse is my best and pretty much only friend is a total Alpha Male, 6ft and muscly (he looks a bit like Mel Gibson too, bastard!) so the one person I compare myself to is like the epitome of what Mistress R's perfect man would be! It's not that I think that she would cheat on me with him, and I know he wouldn't anyway because I know another one of his friend's wives tried to and he was really fucked off about it and told her in no uncertain terms to piss off. But having that as your best mate is a bit tough when you don't feel good about yourself.

And the worse thing is, even though I'm finally starting to get what I've wanted for a long, long time, I seem to be making every possible mistake I can to fuck it up.

I know we are going to have to have a massive talk about all of this tonight because we cannot go on like this. 

And I really don't know what the outcome will be. Maybe she will want to ditch the chastity and femdom stuff to try and get things sorted. And I can't say I would blame her. This was all supposed to be about making her feel special, and all it has seemed to do is make things more difficult and fucked up.

Maybe I would be better off trying to be normal and loving my wife without wanting to worship her.

I don't know what I think anymore.

I really don't.

Wonderful...

This evening has been wonderful. Mistress R and I spent the evening in a local pub, which was really nice, just being alone with her. But on top of that she decided to wear her new shoes (the ones I bought her a couple of weeks ago). They looked super-sexy on her and before we went out she sat on the bed and had me kneel down on the floor and put them on for her. I really loved doing that, and taking them off later... she looked absolutely amazing at the end of the night, standing in just her knickers and those awesome shoes... OMFG!
Once her shoes were safely back in the box we went downstairs and Mistress R allowed me to worship her gorgeous feet for a little while. I loved doing that so much, she really does have the most kissable feet and suck-able toes.
This was just what I needed tonight. My other post is obviously still playing on my mind and I am feeling a bit weird to tell you the truth. I feel like by the end of the night I was tripping, in subspace, without having done anything really... but I feel, so... I feel completely lovesick to tell you the truth. I could hardly bring myself to stop kissing her legs and go to bed.
You know what, I feel like that time I've mentioned before in one of our femdom sessions, when she had me sucking her strap-on and I just felt submission wash over me and I felt like I would do absolutely anything for her, literally anything she wanted me to do. I've rarely felt like that before or since, and certainly not in what is really a pretty vanilla environment.
I love feeling like this, but at the same time it makes me feel very vulnerable, it's kind of scary... all I can think about is how gorgeous she looked tonight, and how silky smooth her gorgeous legs are. I just want to keep kissing them all night, and I feel an absolute need to taste her pussy and make her cum again.
Seriously... I feel like bursting into tears right now. I feel so overwhelmed by how I'm feeling. I genuinely adore my Mistress, all I want to do is give her pleasure.
Sometimes this is so wonderful and so hard, all at the same time.

Wonderful...

This evening has been wonderful. Mistress R and I spent the evening in a local pub, which was really nice, just being alone with her. But on top of that she decided to wear her new shoes (the ones I bought her a couple of weeks ago). They looked super-sexy on her and before we went out she sat on the bed and had me kneel down on the floor and put them on for her. I really loved doing that, and taking them off later... she looked absolutely amazing at the end of the night, standing in just her knickers and those awesome shoes... OMFG!
Once her shoes were safely back in the box we went downstairs and Mistress R allowed me to worship her gorgeous feet for a little while. I loved doing that so much, she really does have the most kissable feet and suck-able toes.
This was just what I needed tonight. My other post is obviously still playing on my mind and I am feeling a bit weird to tell you the truth. I feel like by the end of the night I was tripping, in subspace, without having done anything really... but I feel, so... I feel completely lovesick to tell you the truth. I could hardly bring myself to stop kissing her legs and go to bed.
You know what, I feel like that time I've mentioned before in one of our femdom sessions, when she had me sucking her strap-on and I just felt submission wash over me and I felt like I would do absolutely anything for her, literally anything she wanted me to do. I've rarely felt like that before or since, and certainly not in what is really a pretty vanilla environment.
I love feeling like this, but at the same time it makes me feel very vulnerable, it's kind of scary... all I can think about is how gorgeous she looked tonight, and how silky smooth her gorgeous legs are. I just want to keep kissing them all night, and I feel an absolute need to taste her pussy and make her cum again.
Seriously... I feel like bursting into tears right now. I feel so overwhelmed by how I'm feeling. I genuinely adore my Mistress, all I want to do is give her pleasure.
Sometimes this is so wonderful and so hard, all at the same time.